That Day My Childhood Stopped

Summer 2010 or 2011

Well, it happened. My brother finally left for the Navy, 8 days ago. He is off at boot camp in Chicago for 2 months, then straight to Charleston, SC for 2 years of schooling in nuclear power. From SC, he will have 4 years active duty wherever they station him, followed by 2 years inactive. 8 years total of having my brother nowhere near me, plus more if he sticks with this as his life-long career choice. 8 in the bible means new beginnings. I choose to assume that's not a coincidence.
Its safe to say I haven't cried so much or been so....missing something in my heart, since my discovery of routine male infant circumcison (different topic, different time, point is I cried for weeks over those discoveries. Anyway.)
I miss my little brother!  But I am happy he has found his place, his niche, and direction for his life. I have been watching him closely over his teen years, and I know how much he has been yearning/searching for what his purpose is in life and where he should go after high school. I know men and women have equally important life roles and burdens to bear, but I must say I can't imagine the pressure that must be on young men's shoulders senior year of high school; To pick a college or trade, knowing that you must succeed to support a wife and children for virtually the next 50 years of your life. The decisions and stress! And I could visibly see it weighing on my brother. Maybe others could too, I don't know.

Summer 2012

But it doesn't change how much I miss him. We are 2 years apart and grew up together. We both equally love our little sisters, Trinity & Nika, but just as they have a special bond because they are doing childhood together, so Matthew and I have the same. Heck, we shared and room and bunk beds up until just 5 months ago!! Me being 21 and him 18! That's rare, if I can assume.
He annoyed me, literally all of my childhood. We did not get along, and had quite a few bumps throughout the teenage years.
And now we have gotten to singing in the car together to songs and video taping it, by free will. I wish that it had happened years sooner, realizing that that opportunity and time is gone now.

December 11, 2013. Shipping out.

There's probably a lot of things I'd do differently if I knew this is how our time together and childhood was going to end. Which is big for me, because I hardly ever admit I am wrong. Family trait I suppose. I'd hang out more. Put up with his snoring longer. Bought him more just-because gifts. Given him more rides.  Yelled at him less. Loved on him more.
I know I can still do all those things. But not necessarily as easily or frequently anymore. He used to wrestle me down and hug me and told me he loved me, and told Billy "I had her first." I would fight him off, deciding his loving behavior was so weird, because we just weren't like that! I don't think I ever even regularly hugged my brother- in our whole lives-  until he moved out in July and I couldn't see him every day anymore. Oh how I'd love that time back now!

I had the pleasure of praying over my brother at Worship one Monday night in 2012. I can't even remember all that was prophesied, but I distinctly remember telling him he was a shield; He was destined to protect, and that the earth will crack and shatter from beneath his footsteps, and his words have influence. It all makes sense now! Never before and never after that night have I ever prophesied over my little brother.
I plan on writing him quite often. He can't write any letters back for 3 weeks of boot camp, but I'll be expecting one soon.
I don't think Matthew has ever read my blog, but if he does I hope he sees this one post.

Matthew, I love you dearly. Annoying as you are.

You are MY little brother. I absolutely cherish the time we had growing up together.

Its sad that it took you leaving for the military for me to fully appreciate you and love you to the extent you deserve. I hope you find what you need, and God fills you with peace in your choices. You are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be. I have not one ounce of doubt in my heart. Keep your mind open, your heart soft, and your spirit fed.  Thrive in God's grace! You will grow into a fantastic man, husband, and dad.

-Big sister

Those aren't my bagels...

Hey everyone!
Its been a while, as I have been treading the waters of packing boxes, moving, setting up, etc. Busy weeks to say the least. And as I have a pile of dishes in the sink and one more box awaiting me to be unpacked, naturally I'd procrastinate and write my first blog post from my new apartment! What a thrill.

Living with my roomie and friend, Jenelle, has been fun! We kind of work opposite schedules and are almost never home at the same time, but when we are home we get along great.
Its been odd adjusting to living with someone other than a family member (for me at least) and its cool to see how we've learned to mold to the other's routines. The little things have been the most intriguing. For instance, can I use that bathroom drawer, or you? Or, when do you wanna shower? Oh, morning? Okay  you go first. We both have plates? Okay...where to put 80 million plates. Don't want my cat in your bed? Oh...here's a spray bottle, good luck...
And mugs.
We both have so many coffee/tea mugs, our main kitchen cupboard is dedicated to mugs and mugs alone. I love it. But it took us a few days to even collect enough silverware. Priorities, psh.

But I think the most hilarious thing we have encountered yet has been the mystery of the "Everything" Bagels sitting in the freezer. The whole first week we lived together, we both were eating from the same bad of Cinnamon Raisin bagels in the bread drawer. Every time I'd see her take one of my bagels, I'd just think "Well, no harm no foul. I can share I guess."
And then one day we got to the last bagel.
On a Saturday morning while making breakfast, Jenelle said something to the effect of "Oh, you've been eating my bagels." I was befuddled. I stared for second and said "No....you've been eating MY bagels..."
We both just stood there, stunned, in our little checkered-floor kitchen, not knowing what to do.
I could have SWORN I bought those cinnamon bagels. Those are my go-to bagels! So I say "Aren't those your Everything bagels in the freezer...?"
Jenelle says no. I know I didn't buy them...
We go back and forth for about 10 minutes about these darn bagels! Who bought them?! Who bought the cinnamon raisin ones?! Why is this happening so early in the morning?!
Turns out I bought them. I suppose. Makes sense. I love everything bagels. I do NOT remember buying them.
This realization of a mystery solved ends with me on the floor laughing til I almost pee my already-been-washed-in-a-$1.25-per-load pants, and Jenelle losing it.
So instead of us asking eachother, all week we just assumed that the other was stealing our bagels. Seems logical.
Oh, the joys of living with a roommate.

Good thing Jenelle knows how to give this girl a little grace. Especially living with my new kitten who just loves to take attempts on her life & sanity every day- It's a work in progress (: Thank goodness he doesn't mind being locked in linen closets for short spurts.

Love you, Roomie!!
-Britney

Shamy Gets a Kitten

 What an eventful few weeks! Halloween parties, kittens, fun, and of course we are now T-minus one week until my big move to Lakewood THIS Saturday. This Halloween William and I decided to be Dr. Sheldon Cooper and his sorta-girlfriend Neurologist Amy Farah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory. If you've never seen an episode, you need to. Extremely hilarious show. Inappropriate, but hilarious. Happily, we both had everything we needed to pull off the costumes except my $1.99 thrift store skirt we had to find and my $0.99 glasses Billy popped the lenses out of for me.

I think it turned out well!

We took a few pictures and headed out to our halloween party. I hope you enjoy the silliness as much as we did!

The left hand picture is of course, Billy and I, and next to it is a comparison to the TV couple.

We had a ton of fun with this. This is probably one of Billy's favorite shows, including my own, so we even had fun role-playing character lines. Yeah, things get lame sometimes with us. But it was fun to be called "Shamy" all weekend. Bazinga.


In other news, the Shamy couple also adopted a kitten this weekend! I can't bring him home to the apartment until after Jenelle and I are all moved in, but we are so excited!
Pet count for the future Mr&Mrs: 1 gecko and one kitten.

This little guy's name is Yetti (with two T's.)

He's an adorable little Tabby, with beautiful gray and white stripes and one heck of a personality. He's energetic and playful, and loves chewing on Billy's coat zippers as we found  today.

Luckily the two boys hit it off!! I may have kind of forced it, as I couldn't hold Yetti AND sign paperwork so naturally Billy had to hold the baby.

And now he is just as excited to bring him home as I am. I already have a pinterest board loaded with toy-making ideas. With my mom-ness and Billy's "Oh, I can make that" attitude, I'm sure we will have no shortage of things for Yetti to play with when we're not home. Oh! Yetti also has an extra toe! Hence the nickname "Yeti" at the shelter because of his hand-like paws and how big they are for him!

So an eventful 2 weeks it has been, with lots of packing and planning. By my next post, I will most likely be typing from my new apartment. Crazy! And possibly with a cat on my lap. Crying because I miss home.

People are really gonna need to give this girl some grace.

-Britney

It's More Than a House

 Well, its official, I'm moving out. That's right!
My friend, Jenelle and I, have signed a lease to move into a beautiful little apartment in the heart of Lakewood! Moving day is November 2nd. We shall bunk together until next summer when Bill & I are wed and he can move into the home I have set up for us. I am thrilled. I'm excited! I am so ready to start my life as an independent adult!
And yet my heart hurts to an amount that I have never felt before. And it's because I'm realizing, I'm not just leaving my house. I'm leaving my home.

I've been in this home since I was 3 years old.

We do literally everything here. Family get-togethers, Sunday family days every week, birthdays, picnics, clam bakes, you name it. Literally. My heart aches. I know I'm ready to move on, more than prepared to take care of myself. But I ache.

What will I do every morning without my mom to tell me "Shine! Shine! Shine!" ? What will I do without 30 pairs of little kids shoes to trip over? What will I do without dogs trying to trample me every time I come in the door? And the greatest question yet, what will my dad do when he doesn't have to use the bathroom in the backyard every morning because I take so long? (We leave for work at the same time in the morning.)

And the answers to all these questions are:

I have no freaking idea.

From all the cookies we've baked, to all the dishes we've broke and all the dinners we have eaten together. My house has been nothing short of the "homey home." I'ts always inviting, always full, and the Spirit of God dwells here. My mother has heard from numerous different people over the years that they "just want to take a nap" when they come over. And I believe it! My house has peace in it, even if it's tenants don't always radiate it. It radiates life, from its messy carpets, to its toy clutter and crayon on the walls.

I'm going to miss this.

So many Christmases (:

This year will be a big one anyway whether I moved or not, because for the first time I will be separated from my little brother Matthew. He joined the Navy and leaves on December 11th.

From that day on, (at least for the next 8 years) he will forever be states away from me.

And it's hard.

But life finds a way of taking you out of your comfort zone, letting God mold and move.

It will be interesting to see how it feels to drive to my house for Sunday cookouts, and then to leave in the evenings to get in my car instead of walking 5 steps to my bedroom.

(Which my sisters are THRILLED to get, by the way.)

I know it will take while to get used to, but it will happen.

And I know for a fact it will be way more wonderful when I can grab my husband's hand and get in that car with him.

It's a new chapter, a new beginning!

And at the same time, an ending of an era and a lull before the greatest adventure of my life as a wife.

All I know is I will miss this place.

My home. My safe place.

So as I dwell on this, I offer everyone a tip; please let me cope with this time in my own way.

"Life happens, you need to grow up sometime."

"Oh it's not so bad, everyone does it."

"This should be exciting, be excited!"

"Your own place, what could be cooler?!"

All are said with the best intentions, but all come to me void in my heart and mind.

Now, I know I am completely biased - obiously - but I beg to differ with anyone who tells me moving out is no big deal. They've never left my home or my family. I am not too young and free to realize this is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me, to date.

So here we go!! One big, crazy adventure.

I know I'll still probably be over my house multiple days a week, still let my mom cook delicious food for me and ask my dad for help on my taxes.

No matter where I go, that house is still my home.

It is forever in my heart, as are all the memories.

I'm asking God for strength- it is desperately needed.

The photo to the right is Jenelle and I moments after signing our lease.

As my fiance pointed out yesterday, there's no masking the joy.

It's crazy how you can feel two conflicting feelings whole-heartedly!

As always, this is only possible when you give a girl grace.

(Never more true than now!)

-Britney

That "moment"

My fiance and I had a "moment" today.
One of those brief snippets of time when we were both "Oh, this makes sense now."

When you've been with someone for so long and are s-l-o-w-l-y awaiting your wedding day, sometimes there are a lot of  "Why, God, why?" days.
Why do we have to wait so long?
Why do we see each other so little?
Why do we tend to argue more as time goes by?
And the answer is because we NEED to. I've never been naive to the fact that God has used our long relationship and engagement to only benefit us. 4 years away at college seems like forever, but there's days when God blesses you with a showing of His view of the "Big Picture" instead of our tiny little piece in time. And today we got that blessing!

Billy and I are sort of opposites.

In some ways were 100% alike, like our sarcasm and love of exercise. And other ways we are polar opposite, in ways such as problem solving or social interaction. When I'm angry I like to cool down and move on, while Billy is a "hammer-it-out-now" kind of guy. I'm a social person who will find anything to make conversation, while he refuses to talk about the weather just because that's the only thing to talk about. (Don't ever tell him we're having nice weather today.)

Our biggest disagreements have been in the area of child-rearing/choices. Sometimes we get funny looks when people hear us talking about such things before we're even married, but call us crazy, we'd rather figure this stuff out before "there's no going back." And it works for us. 

Its been tough. I guess you could say I'm sort of....a hippie. Home birth vs. Hospital birth, Breastfeeding without a cover, Vaccines vs. Non-vax, anti-infant circumcision, spending the extra dollar on healthier food choices. These are all battles we had to duke out together as a couple who would have to live together with our choices. And we've disagreed on every single one of these topics throughout the years. Some got really ugly, some were simple fixes between us. As a "crunchy" girl and him being in the medical field, you can imagine the debates. And to further that, when you know how stubborn both of us are, our coming to a like-minded solution really is nothing short of a dang miracle.

And today we solved another one. My heart soars when we reach the same opinion, especially when I know it's God's work in us. And we both know that if we had gotten married sooner, it would have been harder. So for a brief moment we can stand back and say "Okay, I see it." We needed these 4 years to get to know each other deeper before living in the same tiny room. Someone could get hurt.

Would we have made it if we went through all these struggles without being able to go home to different houses to defuse? I believe so. I know he's for me and I for him, so it will all work out. Would it have been a tougher road than I can even imagine? I don't even want to think about it.

I am a firm believer in giving relational disagreements to God. I've done it every time thus far, and it has blessed our relationship and my nerves. God will solve things on His time. Even in problems where I yell "Oh my gosh, he will never see where I'm coming from!" Even on the days when I knows he's right and I'm not (those are the worst! Right?) But we've always solved it. In time. 

Thank goodness for the big picture. And thank goodness for Billy's infinite wisdom that even though I am way more difficult than he deserves most days, everything goes smoother when you give a girl grace.

-Britney

I Think its Time...

^Andalou Naturals. Love it.

To buy new shampoo. Yeah, that's all.

People that know me personally know I don't wash my hair often. 

Only twice a month. And no, Its not gross.  

Its called "no-pooing" and even I don't follow the term to its exact definition because I do in fact use shampoo, just very rarely. True no-poo-ers don't use shampoo at all and use a homemade baking soda shampoo. (If anything)

So this lovely bottle of shampoo and conditioner has lasted me a grand total of....drum roll....

19 months!....and counting :)  (There's still a lot left in there!)

Early March 2012 I decided to start no-pooing to save my hair and scalp. I had dry hair, split ends enough for the entire population, and my hair got super greasy after a day. After countless attempts at growing my hair out over the years, I was getting frustrated. It would just get too dead to be grown out!

So I decided to give it a whirl. I bought this lovely shampoo from Earth Fare, and I'm not going to lie it was like $10. Each. But I figured it would last forever from then on out, so I wanted good quality, healthy shampoo.

The first part of my journey with no-pooing was indeed gross. I had to break my hair's oil cycle, and I would never wish such a terrible process upon someone. Just imagine not washing your hair for 3 weeks, right from the rip. It was terrible. Needless to say my hair did not leave a pony-tail.

I did this for about 2-3 cycles. By the end of it, my hair was saved (: I can now go 2 weeks without shampooing, and by the day I shampoo my hair looks like about what it would be after an average 3 days of not shampooing for a normal girl.

I love it, and I'll never go back.

My hair grows like a weed now. I consistently need haircuts every 6-8 weeks. And not because of split ends! I barely ever get those anymore. I need a haircut because it grows wildly and I lose my style. I've had the same hair stylist through this all (since I was 15/16), and even she says my hair is extremely healthy and soft every time I see her. Each haircut I get only a 1/4in taken off. Just 'cause I should. 

I love no-pooing. I love the results, I love knowing my scalp is healthy, and I love saving money.

And so does Billy.

-Britney

Happy shampooing!

The Life of a College Couple

Having a serious relationship while in college can be quite challenging. Having a serious relationship in college while only one of the two people actually attends college is even tougher. Have a serious relationship including both of these two scenarios and then adding in a drive time of 2 1/2 hrs between the two participants homes and you've got Billy & I.

I'm not one of those people that believes everyone needs to go to college. I won't list the reasons why, but if you want a good laugh on why college isn't for everyone you should totally watch this video on Youtube called  "5 Reasons College Could be a Waste of Your Time". It's great and that title will link you to it. Point being made, college wasn't for me so I chose to work full-time. (All those A's in school for none! Darn.)

As our story goes, Billy is one of the people that actually does need college to advance his career. And I fully support him! He even got a full scholarship, which is such a blessing knowing we won't have undergrad debt hanging over our heads when we start out. He is receiving a phenomenal education at OSU and he is better off there than anywhere else for his particular major.
Unfortunately, we realized after the fact that this particular major consumes almost all of his time away. So for the past 3 years of his college life we have been maintaining love by phone calls and 1 or 2 visits a month. Sometimes 6-8 week spans. And may I say, it is tough!
Not tough as in hard to keep the love, but hard to maintain a joyful heart in the midst of the toughness. If it weren't for God and the joy I get from spending time with Him, I honestly don't know how I'd handle it. I'm sure Billy would say the same. I do however have a whole new respect for military wives in the last few years! Goodness those women really have a God-given gift.

This all comes about on days like today when I just had to send Billy off, back on his long drive to school. He was home for a grand total of 24 hours, after a 2 week span and will be gone for the next 3. My heart just grows weary sometimes. We keep saying "Soon, very soon!" every time we get sad. So I'm clinging to that!
Soon enough there will be lazy Sundays that don't end in tears, mornings of brewing coffee and work send-offs, setting a table for two, and my absolute favorite- no more "Goodbye"s.

From the support my parents give me, to the great company our friends provide, to the love and encouragement I get at the feet of Jesus, I truly know that Billy & I's relationship really is only possible when you give a girl grace. And a lot of it.

-Britney
(Sending love to all of the other couples out there also enduring the college journey together!)

Confession {Of the White-Girl sort}

So my name is Britney. And I have a confession.

I love line dances.

Cupid shuffle, cha cha slide, etc. And now after today, the Wobble.

It's SO much fun. Have you ever done it? If you'd like to learn how and then give it a shot, click here. (Do it.)

Funny thing is, I am so "white."

I bake cookies and crochet. Not much else. One of my employees today even asked me, "Britney, have you always been 40 years old?"

And I really don't have a defense.

But I must say, God must have been having a humor-filled day when he gave the person the idea to invent this dance.

I could go on and on. I think everyone needs to find something ridiculous and just DO it sometimes. It relieves stress, it makes you laugh, and the best part- It will usually make others laugh too. I'm sure my cousin's downstairs neighbors probably didn't appreciate the 3 of us jumping around tonight though.

This post had nothing to do with grace, not much to do with anything relevant, really. Unless you count the grace I'm being given by my friends when they watch me try to dance.

Just wait 'til the wedding. (314 days)

-Britney

A Season of Change & Forgiveness

"Do not let the opinions of others consume you."

Wow. It's a lot to take in; such an easy statement, yet so much in it. If anyone is anything like me, your first reaction to reading or hearing such a quote is "Of course not! Why would you? I sure don't."

I so wish I let myself off the hook that easily sometimes. To say the least, its been a rough few weeks. I've let opinions about me from family, friends, and even coworkers get the best of me at times. There have been days where the only things that helps relieve my heavy heart is just a good, long cry with my daddy God.
Swarmed by the well-meaning and helpful words of "Just don't let it bother you"-s and "Why does their opinion matter?"-s from loved ones, you realize words can only go so far. But Jesus knows just how to solve all the heart-ache and woe-me's.

Forgiveness.

Whether you are a Christian or not, I don't think anyone would disagree that forgiveness isn't always the easiest thing to spew out. But I can attest from personal experience that it is a whole lot easier to dish out when I dwell on the grace I  have been given myself by Jesus. 

Earlier in the year, I faced a confrontation with someone that struck me to my core. An opinion from someone that a young woman at my stage in life desperately seeks approval from. Why did I let it affect me so? I have no Idea. It shouldn't have, really. But I am so happy to share, by the grace of God, I forgave that person just this past week. It took a few months, but hey. No reason why, it just sort of happened. And I felt that peace that Jesus always talks about- the kind that goes straight to your core and heart, filling you with love for them. Love! In fact, at the same exact time I reached forgiveness for this person, another relationship in my life dissipated with more negative opinions and I reached forgiveness withing a few days. My heart was on a roll! So much heaviness, met almost instantly with so much forgiveness! I thought I had finally found some rest, surely!

And then another opinion came around. With more disputes, lies and brokenness. All of this in 2 weeks! All I could keep saying is "God, why? Why so much pain? Why is it all seemingly my fault?" And what does He do? I go to church today and just get a boat load of happiness. And more forgiveness in my heart. And I know now that maybe my opinion can help change their circumstance.

 I believe in speaking life over people and circumstances. Instead of sulking over the negativity seemingly thrown my way, I choose to speak life over those people, speak blessing over their own hurt. And maybe, just maybe, grace will heal others around me just as much as it has for myself. (Even if at times, happiness does not show on my face).

I believe Autumn is more than just a season. For me at least, is symbolizes so much more; Change, shedding of the old, and beauty. Is it a coincident that today is the first day of Fall and I am reaching this revelation? I personally don't think so- I think God is just that good. A song we sang in church today really sums it all up.

"And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then who could stand against?"

And who can stand against? Who can stop us? Certainly not an opinion. Certainly not heart-ache. Certainly not lies, as awful as they may seem. We choose joy and we choose peace. And together, we will await the blessings that will unlock before our eyes. God's good for His word.
 As my fiance and I try and navigate this life together and feel out the paths God has for us, I am definitely learning more and more to expect extraordinary things when you give a girl grace.

-Britney

Wedding tasks are...well, tasks.

Guest lists, reception venues and churches, photographers and videographers....AH!

My brain has slightly exploded over the last few months with the wedding planning that has had to be done. I thought I had it all under control, thinking "Oh hey, this won't be so bad- I have Pinterest!" But I was wrong. (If anything, 'Pinning' things made it worse...it's like creative ADHD)

Don't get me wrong - I am loving every second of being a bride-to-be, and having a loving fiance who is willing to help makes everything worth-while. But I just can't stress how much there actually is to do.
And all the questions that go through your mind!

"Will my reception be fun?"
"Will my reception be TOO fun?"
"Will people think my dress is pretty?"
"Will I be pretty?"
"Do I really need waterproof makeup? What if I can't get it off?"
"Our guest list is HOW big?"
"Food & alcohol & flowers are expensive...do we really need any?"
"Do the bridal girls and I really need shoes? What's wrong with being 'earthy'?"
"Do people really pay for 300 tubes of bubbles?"

And the list goes on. In reality, Billy and I want our wedding to be so much fun for our guests. Frankly, I think I care a little too much sometimes. As I have also been told by countless others. Maybe they're on to something. But until then, I will continue.

I've been dreaming of this day since before my memory, and now with Bill in the picture it is a perfect dream. I know one day it will all be over, and once we settle into our new little home we will treasure the wedding memories. You only get one! So even though it is a lot of work, I embrace it. I pray that everyone that shares our "Big Day" with us walk away not only with good memories, but with blessings. I know God has big plans for us as a married couple, so I say, why not throw a big party?

As Billy has learned to deal with my constant stress, we both know wedding tasks go a lot smoother when you give a girl grace.

-Britney
(Thank you Billy!)

Welcome !

This is my new blog. I have never had one before, and am thrilled to be able to share stories, testimonies and interesting things that happen to me! (which is often). I am usually clumsy or have crazy stories with customers at work, so I don't believe there will ever be a dull day. Jesus fills my thoughts on a regular basis, as well as many other random things. I hope my stories are enjoyable, and thoughts relatable! A special thanks to my cousin, Alyssa, for helping me set this up (:

As I've learned many times over the past 2 years and can't wait to share, great things happen when you give a girl grace;
-Britney