My friend, Jenelle and I, have signed a lease to move into a beautiful little apartment in the heart of Lakewood! Moving day is November 2nd. We shall bunk together until next summer when Bill & I are wed and he can move into the home I have set up for us. I am thrilled. I'm excited! I am so ready to start my life as an independent adult!
And yet my heart hurts to an amount that I have never felt before. And it's because I'm realizing, I'm not just leaving my house. I'm leaving my home.
I've been in this home since I was 3 years old.
We do literally everything here. Family get-togethers, Sunday family days every week, birthdays, picnics, clam bakes, you name it. Literally. My heart aches. I know I'm ready to move on, more than prepared to take care of myself. But I ache.
What will I do every morning without my mom to tell me "Shine! Shine! Shine!" ? What will I do without 30 pairs of little kids shoes to trip over? What will I do without dogs trying to trample me every time I come in the door? And the greatest question yet, what will my dad do when he doesn't have to use the bathroom in the backyard every morning because I take so long? (We leave for work at the same time in the morning.)
And the answers to all these questions are:
I have no freaking idea.
From all the cookies we've baked, to all the dishes we've broke and all the dinners we have eaten together. My house has been nothing short of the "homey home." I'ts always inviting, always full, and the Spirit of God dwells here. My mother has heard from numerous different people over the years that they "just want to take a nap" when they come over. And I believe it! My house has peace in it, even if it's tenants don't always radiate it. It radiates life, from its messy carpets, to its toy clutter and crayon on the walls.
I'm going to miss this.
So many Christmases (:
This year will be a big one anyway whether I moved or not, because for the first time I will be separated from my little brother Matthew. He joined the Navy and leaves on December 11th.
From that day on, (at least for the next 8 years) he will forever be states away from me.
And it's hard.
But life finds a way of taking you out of your comfort zone, letting God mold and move.
It will be interesting to see how it feels to drive to my house for Sunday cookouts, and then to leave in the evenings to get in my car instead of walking 5 steps to my bedroom.
(Which my sisters are THRILLED to get, by the way.)
I know it will take while to get used to, but it will happen.
And I know for a fact it will be way more wonderful when I can grab my husband's hand and get in that car with him.
It's a new chapter, a new beginning!
And at the same time, an ending of an era and a lull before the greatest adventure of my life as a wife.
All I know is I will miss this place.
My home. My safe place.
So as I dwell on this, I offer everyone a tip; please let me cope with this time in my own way.
"Life happens, you need to grow up sometime."
"Oh it's not so bad, everyone does it."
"This should be exciting, be excited!"
"Your own place, what could be cooler?!"
All are said with the best intentions, but all come to me void in my heart and mind.
Now, I know I am completely biased - obiously - but I beg to differ with anyone who tells me moving out is no big deal. They've never left my home or my family. I am not too young and free to realize this is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me, to date.
So here we go!! One big, crazy adventure.
I know I'll still probably be over my house multiple days a week, still let my mom cook delicious food for me and ask my dad for help on my taxes.
No matter where I go, that house is still my home.
It is forever in my heart, as are all the memories.
I'm asking God for strength- it is desperately needed.
The photo to the right is Jenelle and I moments after signing our lease.
As my fiance pointed out yesterday, there's no masking the joy.
It's crazy how you can feel two conflicting feelings whole-heartedly!
As always, this is only possible when you give a girl grace.
(Never more true than now!)
-Britney
Moving out is a HUUUGE deal and it's totally normal to be feeling this way. The growing up process isn't always pleasant haha. I am extremely jealous (you don't even know) reading this, it actually brought me to tears. I've never known a home other than with Justin. You are so blessed to have two, always! One with Billy, and one to always go back to for visits and love and comfort with your family. :) Think of all the joy and blessings you've gotten to experience with your family and ride on that cloud. That even though it will be sooo hard to leave, you will always have those memories and (as I'm sure your mom will remind you) will always be able to go back to visit. I'm so excited for you guys!
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