That Day My Childhood Stopped

Summer 2010 or 2011

Well, it happened. My brother finally left for the Navy, 8 days ago. He is off at boot camp in Chicago for 2 months, then straight to Charleston, SC for 2 years of schooling in nuclear power. From SC, he will have 4 years active duty wherever they station him, followed by 2 years inactive. 8 years total of having my brother nowhere near me, plus more if he sticks with this as his life-long career choice. 8 in the bible means new beginnings. I choose to assume that's not a coincidence.
Its safe to say I haven't cried so much or been so....missing something in my heart, since my discovery of routine male infant circumcison (different topic, different time, point is I cried for weeks over those discoveries. Anyway.)
I miss my little brother!  But I am happy he has found his place, his niche, and direction for his life. I have been watching him closely over his teen years, and I know how much he has been yearning/searching for what his purpose is in life and where he should go after high school. I know men and women have equally important life roles and burdens to bear, but I must say I can't imagine the pressure that must be on young men's shoulders senior year of high school; To pick a college or trade, knowing that you must succeed to support a wife and children for virtually the next 50 years of your life. The decisions and stress! And I could visibly see it weighing on my brother. Maybe others could too, I don't know.

Summer 2012

But it doesn't change how much I miss him. We are 2 years apart and grew up together. We both equally love our little sisters, Trinity & Nika, but just as they have a special bond because they are doing childhood together, so Matthew and I have the same. Heck, we shared and room and bunk beds up until just 5 months ago!! Me being 21 and him 18! That's rare, if I can assume.
He annoyed me, literally all of my childhood. We did not get along, and had quite a few bumps throughout the teenage years.
And now we have gotten to singing in the car together to songs and video taping it, by free will. I wish that it had happened years sooner, realizing that that opportunity and time is gone now.

December 11, 2013. Shipping out.

There's probably a lot of things I'd do differently if I knew this is how our time together and childhood was going to end. Which is big for me, because I hardly ever admit I am wrong. Family trait I suppose. I'd hang out more. Put up with his snoring longer. Bought him more just-because gifts. Given him more rides.  Yelled at him less. Loved on him more.
I know I can still do all those things. But not necessarily as easily or frequently anymore. He used to wrestle me down and hug me and told me he loved me, and told Billy "I had her first." I would fight him off, deciding his loving behavior was so weird, because we just weren't like that! I don't think I ever even regularly hugged my brother- in our whole lives-  until he moved out in July and I couldn't see him every day anymore. Oh how I'd love that time back now!

I had the pleasure of praying over my brother at Worship one Monday night in 2012. I can't even remember all that was prophesied, but I distinctly remember telling him he was a shield; He was destined to protect, and that the earth will crack and shatter from beneath his footsteps, and his words have influence. It all makes sense now! Never before and never after that night have I ever prophesied over my little brother.
I plan on writing him quite often. He can't write any letters back for 3 weeks of boot camp, but I'll be expecting one soon.
I don't think Matthew has ever read my blog, but if he does I hope he sees this one post.

Matthew, I love you dearly. Annoying as you are.

You are MY little brother. I absolutely cherish the time we had growing up together.

Its sad that it took you leaving for the military for me to fully appreciate you and love you to the extent you deserve. I hope you find what you need, and God fills you with peace in your choices. You are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be. I have not one ounce of doubt in my heart. Keep your mind open, your heart soft, and your spirit fed.  Thrive in God's grace! You will grow into a fantastic man, husband, and dad.

-Big sister