Embrace the Gray

It's been quite some time since my last blog post. A year I think. 

Kinda crazy, as I feel I always have a story to tell someone or something I find funny to share. I guess you don't really realize how busy life is until you look back and realize how much you didn't get done!

In 12 months SO much has unfolded into my husband & mine's life; 

We've celebrated an anniversary

We've moved

We became godparents to another beautiful girl

We became an Aunt and Uncle

I've gotten a promotion at work

He's gotten a new job and started his Doctorate degree in school

Sadly, we have also lost a greatly loved friend of ours

And I have had to say goodbye to one of my two pets.

As the days go by and the time goes faster, I've come to learn that the more you learn to appreciate and love life the more gray hairs you start to get on your head. At least I think that's what it must mean because I love life more than I ever have, but life is also harder than its ever been and I have more gray hair than I ever thought I would at 23.

It's starting to really show...

What in the world? I got my first gray hair at 19. I'll never forget standing in my parent's bathroom at home and seeing it. I've always had a thing for gray. I think its beautiful, nothing to be ashamed of. I even have resolved that I'd never dye mine, never cover that beauty up. I just didn't think I'd have it yet. But there it was. Bright white. Making me stare wide-eyed.

That first gray was the fruit of working at my Jimmy John's. We opened in November of 2011 and I had gray coming in before February '12.

I probably had 6 or 7 from then 'til now. Nothing huge. In May of this year I got promoted to general manager.

It has been a blessing. For me, for my household, for my family's future.

For my hair though....my grays have quadrupled. It actually stunned me this week as I stood in my newly moved-in bathroom and rushed to put my hair in a messy bun to get to the gym- SO many grays! 25+ easy.

I'm coming to terms. Trying to remember all those deep and sentimental things you see online that say "gray hair means you cared" etc. Proverbs 31:25 resonates with me like that. I don't fear the future and I carry happiness of my past. So I'm going to start celebrating the proof that I've lived the life I've lived!

One gray for my fantastic husband who I kiss goodbye every morning before work

One gray for the job that takes so much of my time every day but blesses me so

One gray for the coworkers and lifelong friends I get to work beside

One gray for each of my gorgeous goddaughters, Bree & Emery

One gray for the beautiful woman that was and is Jayne Yuravak

One gray for the pets that I've been entrusted with

One gray for the bigger house I've been lucky enough to have and make a home

One gray for my beautiful new nephew, Brody

And many grays for the nights I worry about my husband until he walks in the door.

I guess when it comes down to it I'm thankful, because God has given me so much to care for. So many things and so many people to love and to worry for. I'll embrace the gray if that's the physical proof of a heart well-used.

Just don't forget to give a graying girl some grace! (I'm getting old, after all)

Britney

Well Done, Sailor

 This weekend was one that is not to be forgotten.
My little brother of 18 graduated Naval basic on Friday February 7th. He has been away at the Great Lakes Navy base going through training for 8 weeks. I was happy and lucky enough to receive many letters from him as well as a few phone calls!
Either way, it was a long 8 weeks. Especially with celebrating Christmas and New Years for the first time without him.

We left on the car ride to Chicago Thursday evening with my parents, sisters and I and my brother's mutual friend, Josh.
We got to the hotel around 11 Thursday night, meeting our Aunt Mary who flew in from Florida.
After only like 5 hours of sleep, my parents, aunt and I were off to the graduation.
Of course we would have to wait an hour in line - outside - to gain admittance to the ceremony. And of course, it would be -5 outside. I don't think I've ever been more freezing in my life!
When we finally got inside and found a seat the ceremony started. As all of the divisions marched in from a door leading outside, I was basically jumping out of my skin waiting for Matthew. I wanted to see him! See him in his new uniform, see if he looked any different!

Division 088

When him and his Division got in the door and came down the isle way, I found him! He looked so grown up. As soon as we were allowed to go find them downstairs and they announced liberty I took off. I found him right away! I've never missed my brother so much. I didn't want to stop hugging him.

He did look older. Much older. In his blue uniform with his cap on.

We only had from noon until 7:30, when he had to be back on base. Then he was stuck there again until 1:00am when we would meet him at the airport for a few hours before his flight.

When we got him back to the hotel, we celebrated a late Christmas with him. I think he was pretty excited to open some presents. Josh and my sisters had decorated the room while we were gone; lights, a mini tree, and even Christmas music!
He told us stories from basic; how his friends would call him "cinnamon stick" because they couldn't pronounce Simoncic. (Don't worry Matthew, I've already got the Apple Jacks cinna-mon printed out, waiting for your face to be pasted on.) How his favorite part of basic was cleaning the bathrooms because they could goof off in there. And how he didn't like wearing the assigned "skivvies" so he didn't, and others followed suit. Then they got in trouble.

Matthew wanted to go to downtown Chicago for our day together, so that's what we did. We went to the Hershey store, and other places on Michigan Avenue. If only it wasn't so cold! He would have graduation on a day that was below zero. But we did really enjoy going to the famous Giordano's Pizza for some Chicago deep dish. And it was fantastic. I had a great time seeing my brother in a daily task as simple as eating together. 

We had to get him back by 7:30, and we did. Even through traffic on Chicago highways, during rush hour, on a Friday. Back on base, (and through the trip) I think I've bought enough Navy and "Proud Navy Sister" apparel enough to last me 10 years. I think that's okay though. I'm allowed to be proud. And so are my parents. And basically anyone that knows him.
My family and I got a quick doze back at the hotel from about 9pm-1am and then it was off to O'Hare. Which was about a 45 minute drive. It felt like nothing though; we had energy drinks and skittles and I was ready to spend all night there if it meant getting more time with him! After wandering around baggage claims and terminals, we found the USO lodgings and terminal where all the sailors were waiting- Mounds of green duffle bags and back packs laying around, a few families sitting with their Navy loved-ones waiting for boarding. We sort of created our own pow-wow circle by a grouping of bags and just sat. We ate our candy and just...hung out. And it was fantastic.
Do we realize in today's world how often we don't do that? When we should? If I knew my brother would end up over 700+ miles away from me before I even married, hell I would have pow-wowed every day.

Don't waste time.

pow-wow

After a while we decided to go check out the USO room. The one we visited at Hopkins before Matthew left for basic was so nice, comfortable, and welcoming. Unfortunately, there were so many sailors shipping out, families couldn't wait with them in the lodgings. (Which was hella sweet, by the way.) So despite Matthew's new friends asking if he was going to hang out in there, and my dad assuring Matthew that he could stay in there for a while and we'd be fine, he chose to walk away. And we returned to our floor-sitting, candy-eating circle.

I don't think my brother will ever understand how much that meant. To me at least. I'm sure my family identifies with my feelings, though. Maybe I'm over-emotional, feeling all "you-don't-know-what-you-have-'til-its-gone," but I treasured every moment sitting on my coat in the airport. And if I could do it again I would. Everything was an adventure. Even going to the bathroom...in which I realized you change the automatic liner on the toilet before you sit, not after. Who reads directions to go to the bathroom...? Apparently I will from now on.

Time came for him to go through security. Ugh, 4:45. So I hugged him. And everyone else hugged him. And I hugged him again. And he was off to get in line. 

For the rest of my life, I will probably remember watching the back of his head walking in line as we were going back up the escalator to work our way out. I just keep feeling like saying "Hey, military, don't you know I need him too?"

Its probably over-dramatic. Probably insignificant to those who haven't had to do it. And no, my brother isn't in harm's way. Its not like he's being deployed and I have a fear of not seeing him again. But he's still...gone.
From daily life, anyway. I can still text and call him, a luxury we did not have while he was in basic.

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here about my feelings.

I am 100% happy for my brother. I know he is exactly where he is supposed to be. I respect and admire our military members, and know my brother is completely noble in his joining. In our car ride, I asked him if he was still the "same," and he said yes. And he was- same personality, same goofiness, same softness. Basic hadn't turned him into some lean, mean, killing machine that's cold. But he was different. In a good way. Structure looked good on him. He walked straighter. Looked taller. Seemed ready for orders. Seemed respectful. Looked purpose-filled. Seemed...grown up. He had this...honorable air about him that you associate with old-school "yes ma'am" military men in movies. There's really no other words I can find to describe how my little brother looked.

 The Navy looked good on him.

We're still not completely sure if he will be able to have leave for Bill & mine's wedding. Matthew seems fairly confident, but I told him not to tell me unless he knows for sure. Too much stress.

If there's one thing I learned for sure these past two months -and especially the last 5 days- is that distance truly does make the heart grow fonder. I already knew this because of my fiance being in Columbus for 4 years, but even more-so with my brother. So how do we cope with the sadness?

Matching tattoos, of course.

My brother told me that the Naval Compass Rose symbolizes always being able to find your way home. He wants to get one over his left pec, and I will be doing the same. Higher up. With some added tweaks of my own. (I can't be too masculine, now)

But that's that! 

The unforgettable trip. 

The ever life-altering scenario.

My view.

But I sure love my Sailor.

Well done, cinnamon stick.

moments after finding him

-Britney

That Day My Childhood Stopped

Summer 2010 or 2011

Well, it happened. My brother finally left for the Navy, 8 days ago. He is off at boot camp in Chicago for 2 months, then straight to Charleston, SC for 2 years of schooling in nuclear power. From SC, he will have 4 years active duty wherever they station him, followed by 2 years inactive. 8 years total of having my brother nowhere near me, plus more if he sticks with this as his life-long career choice. 8 in the bible means new beginnings. I choose to assume that's not a coincidence.
Its safe to say I haven't cried so much or been so....missing something in my heart, since my discovery of routine male infant circumcison (different topic, different time, point is I cried for weeks over those discoveries. Anyway.)
I miss my little brother!  But I am happy he has found his place, his niche, and direction for his life. I have been watching him closely over his teen years, and I know how much he has been yearning/searching for what his purpose is in life and where he should go after high school. I know men and women have equally important life roles and burdens to bear, but I must say I can't imagine the pressure that must be on young men's shoulders senior year of high school; To pick a college or trade, knowing that you must succeed to support a wife and children for virtually the next 50 years of your life. The decisions and stress! And I could visibly see it weighing on my brother. Maybe others could too, I don't know.

Summer 2012

But it doesn't change how much I miss him. We are 2 years apart and grew up together. We both equally love our little sisters, Trinity & Nika, but just as they have a special bond because they are doing childhood together, so Matthew and I have the same. Heck, we shared and room and bunk beds up until just 5 months ago!! Me being 21 and him 18! That's rare, if I can assume.
He annoyed me, literally all of my childhood. We did not get along, and had quite a few bumps throughout the teenage years.
And now we have gotten to singing in the car together to songs and video taping it, by free will. I wish that it had happened years sooner, realizing that that opportunity and time is gone now.

December 11, 2013. Shipping out.

There's probably a lot of things I'd do differently if I knew this is how our time together and childhood was going to end. Which is big for me, because I hardly ever admit I am wrong. Family trait I suppose. I'd hang out more. Put up with his snoring longer. Bought him more just-because gifts. Given him more rides.  Yelled at him less. Loved on him more.
I know I can still do all those things. But not necessarily as easily or frequently anymore. He used to wrestle me down and hug me and told me he loved me, and told Billy "I had her first." I would fight him off, deciding his loving behavior was so weird, because we just weren't like that! I don't think I ever even regularly hugged my brother- in our whole lives-  until he moved out in July and I couldn't see him every day anymore. Oh how I'd love that time back now!

I had the pleasure of praying over my brother at Worship one Monday night in 2012. I can't even remember all that was prophesied, but I distinctly remember telling him he was a shield; He was destined to protect, and that the earth will crack and shatter from beneath his footsteps, and his words have influence. It all makes sense now! Never before and never after that night have I ever prophesied over my little brother.
I plan on writing him quite often. He can't write any letters back for 3 weeks of boot camp, but I'll be expecting one soon.
I don't think Matthew has ever read my blog, but if he does I hope he sees this one post.

Matthew, I love you dearly. Annoying as you are.

You are MY little brother. I absolutely cherish the time we had growing up together.

Its sad that it took you leaving for the military for me to fully appreciate you and love you to the extent you deserve. I hope you find what you need, and God fills you with peace in your choices. You are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be. I have not one ounce of doubt in my heart. Keep your mind open, your heart soft, and your spirit fed.  Thrive in God's grace! You will grow into a fantastic man, husband, and dad.

-Big sister